A lot had been going on in my mind lately which happens to be in stark contrast to what has been happening in my every day life. To get to the point, it’s all about music. I’ve made a lot of coffee in the last year and a half, but not a lot of music and it’s starting to slowly kill me, I swear. I’ve created such a hunger and deep appreciation for music, that it has become a love-hate kinda thing. Music REALLY moves me, it gets that burning coal, welling spring kind of feeling flaring up and if you don’t know what I mean, it’s probably comparable to starting and ending a relationship simultaneously. The indescribable joy overtaken by incredible loss. You know you’ll eventually make it through but for the moment, it’s a stormy sea of emotions, and you’re hardly a skilled sailor.
So why have I been making coffee for the last year and when the heck will I move to the Czech Republic already? Good question. Ask God, I haven’t gotten a clear answer yet but i’m trying to be patient. I’m also trying not to be stagnant in this season of no direction. Last year, I worked at Starbucks and from the day of my interview, I said I would be leaving in the fall to return to the Czech Republic and I actually did. Early 2012, I was planning on returning to the EXIT Tour to resume playing drums and make steps toward full-time ministry in that culture. As time went on, plans were changed, the EXIT Tour was put on hold but we still made plans for my trip, with a different priority. I attended a week long conference and spent the next week living with a former czech tour-mate Jena, and meeting with the right people to determine my future overseas. My time was fantastic, i had a blast thanks to Jena, and my trip was extended for three weeks so that I could help with the EXIT Tour in Slovakia. Most of this stuff has been mentioned in my previous update from a while back but here’s where we pick up where I left off.
I was contacted after I returned home, and it was decided the best course of action for the present situation was to hold off on inviting me to be a full-time missionary to the Czech Republic.
The door closed.
Where does that leave me? I’m a little confused but in a way excited about the opportunities I would have now that God was holding me back for an undetermined amount of time. I wanted to play music and now that I knew I wasn’t headed the direction of the missionary for the moment, this door seemed to open. Don’t get me wrong, this was tough. For three years, I was determined and willing to move my life to another country and in a moment, the road just vanished. I was frustrated, but the time came to carry on, to find new direction. This is my current state. I’m suspended in the air of “where to go from here?”. I’ve considered many possibilities, admittedly let some fleeting desires creep into my thoughts. What if I got a nice job, settled down in a nice house, made my life comfortable and still put much of my effort into supporting other missionaries who are able to go? There is NOTHING wrong with wanting to be a supporter rather than a goer.
My friend reminded me of this today by quoting John Piper. He said “There are only three kinds of Christians when it comes to World Missions: zealous goers, zealous senders, and disobedient.” The truth is, God has not given me the same overwhelming desire to send as he has to go in the past. I just want to be comfortable, but thats not acceptable. I am burdened to go. The question now is where?
Music is the platform, the gospel is the reason, “where” is the question.
Recently, i’ve contacted many people i’ve had the pleasure of knowing in the music industry to seek out a group looking for a drummer, and it just hasn’t worked for the moment. I still have complete confidence that eventually God will provide for me in that direction, but my battle is what to do NOW. How do I be a good steward of my time? I have plans to intern at my church this summer which I am incredibly excited about. I’m looking to buy my first car and come Summer’s end, I’m considering the idea of moving to a location more suitable for playing music. There are many things I would want to do if I stayed here and I still just might. The next step is a little too dark for comfort. Or maybe my eyes haven’t adjusted yet.
Thanks for reading, I truly appreciate those friends out there who have supported me, asked me so many questions and have just genuinely been interested. I’m on the brink of something bigger and I can’t wait to figure it out! I hope to at least make use of my website, even if I don’t have such exciting stories as I did when I created this. I’m receiving a keyboard for my iPad in the mail this weekend so that should help a lot. the one I’m current borrowing to write this update is the only reason I decided to do it.
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